Snarks & Scrolls Blog

So, I have various rating systems that I’ll be implementing:

🥤 Emotional Impact – How much did this book make you FEEL?

Water – nothing
Sparkling Water – faint hint
La Croix – emotional whisper
Diet Coke – satisfying
Coca-Cola – hits hard
Rum & Coke – intense + fun
Rum – very intense
Distilled Spirits – emotionally wrecked
Rubbing Alcohol – TOO MUCH

🌶️ Spice Level – How hot it gets on the page

Air – none, nada, nuthin’
Salt – innocent (cute smoochies)
Pepper – kissing/tension (sweet romances)
Banana Pepper – heated makeouts (still mostly sweet but reaching PG status)
Jalapeño – steamy fade-to-black (fans face, PG-13)
Habanero – explicit (touching intimately – heavy petting, moans, tis sensual etc, on page, glance around and hope no one sees your face is blushing)
Ghost Pepper – VERY explicit (sex on page, but, like, it’s not the whole point of the book, ya know? Hide what you’re reading in public, or don’t, be kinky, I guess)
Venus – unreal hot (explicit sex on page, it’s often, it’s the point of the book. It’s erotica. No hiding it, it is what it is, we’re all adults here, right?)
The Sun – scorched earth (Okay, this is getting ridiculous – straight up porn)

👻 Horror / Scare Factor Scale – How badly did it mess you up?

Cozy Blanket – not scary at all
Creepy Vibes – a little uneasy
Goosebumps – some solid moments
Check the Locks – tense
Sleep With Lights On – scary
NNNNOPE! – very scary
Trauma – emotionally & mentally scarred

⏳ Suspense / Thriller Scale – How much did it keep you hooked?

Snooze Button
Raised Eyebrow
Page Turner
Okay, This Needs TWO Hands to Hold
I Put Down My Edamame for This
Checked Wikipedia Because My Anxiety Needed Soothing

😂 Humor Scale – How funny it actually was

Crickets
Nose Exhale
Small Chuckle
Actual Laugh
Laughing Out Loud
My Husband Checked on Me to Make Sure I wasn’t Dying

💔 Angst / Emotional Damage

Fine
A Little Sad
Ouch
Why Would You Do This?
I Need a Hug
Author Is a Menace

Lol here’s a new one I thought of last night.

🍟Addictability – I wanna read more like this specifically – As told in a system of French Fries

Burger King – forgettable
Dairy Queen – meh
Wendy’s – I can haz fry dipped in frosty? More memorable
McDonald’s – crappy…so gross, delicious when made right (occasionally), but limp and overly salty and nasty…yet…I want more
Arby’s – mostly forgettable French fries, but an accidental curly (HIMYM – IYKYK)
Arby’s Reverse – Curly Fries and one betrayer!
Five Guys – dump load that are double fried to taste like a baked potatoe on the inside and cronchy on the outside!
Le Homemade Gourmet French Fries Pinky Up Eating with Aioli Fancy – Oo la la! Oui oui!

And, like, any others that become relevant or needed as books show different flavors or whatever. Stay tuned!

For now, signing off,

SnS🌹💀📜🥤