It’s going to be a long night. My child is having a rough time sleeping. So, I’m here when needed for snuggles and reassurance. Until then, I’ll read. It’s been a rough week. My depression flared a bit, but I’m trudging through it. Hormones and late nights don’t help, but here we are. ‘Tis life.
Ooof! Wow, this is a long chapter. That’s not a bad thing, but I’m already on edge, so my bandwidth for reading the whole thing in one go is pretty small. I’ll see how far I get.
This hotdog phone is hilarious!
I think my child dropped the favorite comfort toy. I’ll be back in a sec…after a half hour of cuddles, silliness attempts to cheer up my child, humming, singing, many comforting words, and lots of rocking back and forth, my child is back down for bed. Mom life can be hard sometimes, but I love my child so very much. Anyways, I’m drained, so I’ll read more tomorrow (I managed to get through one page! Yay me!) lol
Night two of continuing this chapter! It’s been busy and stressful and exhausting and I needed a nap, so I chose sleep while my child napped over reading this afternoon, so here I am, at midnight-thirty, reading perhaps TWO pages of this chapter! Oh my! Much progress! Very proud of myself! Haha!
The crazy painting that Dave found in dead Faux-Marley’s trailer sounded beautiful until it wasn’t. Then, a tad vulgar, but why is that surprising? Look what I’m reading! Lol.
What’s interesting is that I paused and placed my bookmark when Dave discovered a well where the toilet used to be. The chapter is literally called, “The Soy Sauce,” so I imagine we’re about to find out what it is or where the black goo came from.
Day three of reading this chapter! Look at me reading before midnight! Go me! Haha. My child is watching Looney Tunes (Bus Bunny and Beep Beep), so light distraction, and I can read in somewhat peace while my kid sits on my leg because gotta still be close to Mommy.
Anyways, so, I left off with Dave staring down at the toilet well. Here’s another WTF moment. He finds a giant slug/caterpillar/worm? With teeth on one end? And a tv that looks gutted only to discover that the caterpillar is actually alive and the tv is organic and the caterpillar pounces on him like an excited puppy only to fall asleep on his chest as he lies and continues to slip in the puddle of crap in that makeshift room. Like, what? Once he leaves the literal sh!t hole, he gets scared by a jar busting out of the freezer? And Policeman Morgan Freeman is back? Accompanied by the news? This was a turn I was and wasn’t expecting? Like, of course the police and news would come, but the good boi caterpillar and frozen jumping jar were not haha!
So, the jumping bottle inside the jar that was in the freezer has the goo inside? Then, WTF was the weird painting and crap hole with the caterpillar and organic TV about? WTH am I reading?!
Dave’s internal dialogue about whether he wants to take the black goo tic tac looking pills is hilarious and exactly what I’m thinking but with more self-deprecation. And as if these things had consciousness, they wiggle around, sprout wings, and launch themselves into his mouth like, you must eat ussssss! One makes it, the other eats through his face to get into his mouth??? And just like that, the soy sauce tablet bugs are in his stomach and he feels the rush of super brilliance again? Like, I’m sitting here staring at the pages like, blink-blink, blink-blink, whot?
It’s time to be a responsible adult again and make dinner. I’ll be back after my child goes to bed.
Back again! Same day? Whaaaaaat!?! Child is in bed, night chores of tidying up after dinner and child and life accomplished for the time being (curse you never ending dishes! Shakes fist!) Let’s dive back in. Dave has just rediscovered the universe and can calculate atoms and everything within the less than two seconds it’ll take for Officer Freeman to open the door!
Wow…Dave was existing in various dimensions? Planes of existence? Timelines? All at the same time? He saw the Jamaican guy and how his decapitated head still talked like, “Tis a flesh wound!” Before his body explodes and tiny white pipe cleaner drill bug noodles escape his body and attack the surroundings? And Officer Freeman is telling Dave this while Dave is also seeing it happen, and Officer Freeman is gonna commit arson to contain what he thinks is a gateway to Hell while making Dave pour gasoline all around at gunpoint before shooting him!
Obviously, this isn’t the end because I’m still in chapter 4, and it’s a bagillion pages long, and I’m barely through it, and why is this chapter so freaking long??? And I feel like the meme of Jackie Chan confused face, so before my brain melts, I’ll pause and head to bed. I’ll pick this up again tomorrow and see what new chaos awaits me because the next sentence was, “I woke up in Hell.” and I honestly don’t have the energy to comprehend that tonight lol. This is turning into a saga, isn’t it?
Okay, been a looooooooooooong day. Rainy, which is good, but also dampens my mood, pun completely intended. Still in my depression dip, but I’m managing and plugging along better since I know how to handle it and make it more manageable. I’m like that water bubble on top of a penny that is at the very edge and one more drop will make it spill over. I’ll spill over a little and compose myself and move on. I’ll be fine, promise. These things pass in time. I meet with my therapist next week, too, and I have lots of support around me. Thanks for reading and being my snarky dumping ground ❤️ Shall we get back to what Dave means by he woke up in Hell?
I literally went, “Ha!” because Dave was shot, but in his understanding the universe high teleportation through time, space, dimensions, and 42, he was the distraction that caused a weakened bullet to pass inspection, and that bullet was what was eventually sold almost half a year later and shot into him by Officer Freeman. Brain exploded! I thought that was Pargin being weird again because let’s be honest, this book is wacked! But I’m reminded that everything that’s on the page is there for a reason, even when it has me scratching my brain like, wtf?
So, Dave wasn’t in Hell. He only thought so because the bullet at a fraction of its potential bounced off his ribs, he passed out, and he smelled the smoke because the trailer’s on fire. So, brimstone, pain, yeah, checks out as the atypical Hellscape. My own personal visual of Hell is actually pure darkness with the temperature in that uncomfortable too cold/too hot where your sweaty and about to shiver at the same time and feel like something is staring at you and about to touch you but you can’t see because it’s completely dark, and you’re so hungry that it hurts and you’re nauseous, and your body aches but you can’t sit anywhere because it feels like you’re on a cliff edge for some reason. Wow! This is getting specific haha! I should write this down or something…derp…I jUsT dId! 🤪
Anyways, Dave is crawling out of the inferno but keeps reaching the fridge. His skin is burning, and I’m like, ya fooled me once, my dude, are you actually a burn victim now? Or is this some set up to throw a cream pie in my face later? He collapses at the fridge, and there’s a scene break. Again, this chapter is soOoooOOoooo long. I’ll stop here. That’s ONE more page down! Yeesh, this is taking forever, but it’s entertaining! And this is feeling like a Day-in-the-life-of blank lol time for bed now. Peace!
Day, uh…hold up I need to scroll up to see what day I’m on of this stupidly long chapter…day five or six? It’s kinda blurring together now. Been a rollercoaster of a day today! Emotionally and mentally, but I’m still getting stuff done and working through everything, so yay me! Let’s dive back in!
Dave didn’t die from being shot but may have died being burned alive so, let’s see if he’s miraculously in the desert or something. Dave is waffling on (I learned that term from FitWaffle on IG where she makes a ton of yummy looking things! And I’ve made one, and it was delicious, and I’m secretly jealous that she looks that good while making and eating such yummy looking things and I have an arguably not so crippling food addiction anymore, wow this is darker than I intended but that’s life and depression brain can get dark. Anyways, waffling on is talking aimlessly about something, and Dave’s waffling on about death, and I’m waffling on about waffling on and I think it’s on brand because I absolutely do have a total love/hate relationship with food, more on the love side now than the hate, so that’s good, yay me again! Therapy helps a lot, people! Go therapy!) Oh! Right, Dave waffling on about death and how scientists say dark matter makes up 99.99% of all matter in the universe, and they don’t know what dark matter, and Dave says he does, and as a super astronomy nerd, I’m like, oh, do tell! And Dave’s like, apathy, and I find that incredibly sad but also quite fascinating. Could dark matter actually be emotions? Or spirit? Or whatever other abstract thing like dreams? Weird ADHD drifting thoughts. It’s midnight-thirty again, and my Diet Coke is starting to wear off, thank goodness, because I need to go to bed soon lol. But that’s anxiety for you. The swirling vortex of worst case scenarios and paired with ADHD, I’m SQUIRREL!!
Where was I? Oh! Right. The existential dread/cosmic horror elements going on right now where Dave feels like he’s in a dark nothingness but not like before because he feels like he’s being watched. By a big blue reptilian eye, like what? And he says it’s like a single cell being observed under a microscope and how he’s the cell and willing his consciousness to run away and find the heat again.
Wtf am I reading????
Also, the way the formatting is of this book, there are lots of em dashes that cut to a scene break with another em dash which feels very much like what I’ve seen on AI written stories. (Chatgpt, my darling, you’re my ADHD scheduling organization helper, please don’t hate me), so, I wonder if AI study all the stories that have done this sort of thing and use it in writing prompts given which is why we’re starting to see it everywhere, so this feels AI, even though, I know it’s not. Woof. My brain is still caffeinated…
And a John-possessed Molly crashed Dave’s car into the trailer to save him from the fire. I laughed out loud. This book is so ridiculous. And just like that, the caffeine crash has come. Okay, I’ll read more about where John-possessed Molly wants Dave to go to find his actual not-dead body. Also, isn’t Dave burnt to a crisp???
Back in again, didn’t get to read yesterday, but it’s Easter Sunday, so Happy Easter if you celebrate that!
Albert Marconi’s name shows up again. I recognize it, at least the last name, because my brain initially read it as macaroni lol I’d flip back and make sure it’s the same first name, too, but I don’t want to hunt it down in the prologue…actually I did because I had to know. It’s definitely an Albert Macaroni-Marconi, so, it’s likely the same dude from the prologue that exorcised the meat demon over the phone.
And the soy sauce essentially makes people into portals? But to where? Anyways, gotta find Beehive Justin from earlier in this chapter because the little pipe cleaner insects are controlling him and taking sauced up people to Vegas to open a portal.
Woof! Lol, literally, woof because John is still possessing Molly the dog haha! I’m hilarious. And because this is John Dies at the End, Molly yelling at a cat before lying down, farting, and going to sleep is how this chapter ends.
Well, if this wasn’t one of the longest, entertaining, wtf am I reading, ridiculous, and well put together chapters I’ve read so far! Rating?
•Rum & Coke
•Air
•Goosebumps
•Okay, This Needs TWO Hands to Hold
•Actual Laugh
•Fine
•Le Homemade Gourmet French Fries Pinky Up Eating with Aioli Fancy
•Cheese Curds
•Obliteration
•Pecan Pie
•Unsweetened Baker’s Chocolate
•Orange Roughy À l’Orange
My last brain cells after reading this chapter…
SnS 🌹💀📜🥤
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