“I drove downtown, scanning the alleys until I saw a rail-thin Mexican kid standing by a Dumpster wearing a St. Louise Rams jacket. The kid was wearing the jacket, not the Dumpster.”
It’s sentences like these that crack me up like, of course! I didn’t think of that!
“My soy-sauced brain has officially taken off without me. I was operating on autopilot, phrases and words scrolling up into my mind as if fed to me on a teleprompter.”
This is scary in a different sense because it sort of enforces that Dave isn’t in control of himself or his actions. It gives a slight pause for IRL addicts that are so messed up on their substance, that they essentially black out. And that’s a rather depressing thought as well.
So, this was to get money to fix up his car to drive to Vegas to save the world. Normally, I’d be a bit pissed at the Deus Ex Machina type solution for this, but I’m not, and I think it’s because I expect the absurd from this book. Like, in ACOTAR, it pisses me off when it’s so easy and hand waving because plot demands it! But here? This book has earned this because there was plenty of other WTF moments like this. Plus, it matches with what we know of the Soy Sauce.
Like this little small break that’s still keeping us in the narrative:
“I was about to point the car west, then realized I didn’t want to drive over 1,500 miles —
1,669
— in these sh!t-stained pants and bloodstained shirt.”
And honestly? The thing called Sh!tload that is the amalgamation of the white wormy things that took over Justin last chapter, knowing where to find Dave, and their fight being Dave swinging awkwardly, and Sh!tload punching and kicking Dave repeatedly in the nuts is like, yeah, why wouldn’t he do that? Why would anyone punch at a face first when a nutshot is more crippling and instantly disabling? As morbid as that sounds…
Lololol! So, admittedly, since I keep remembering Dave is telling this story to a reporter, I know he’ll at least survive what’s happening. So, that kind of tension is gone. Same thing happened with Solo: A Star Wars Story, no tension because I knew he wouldn’t die. No real stakes, ya know? But what I appreciate in John Dies at the End is that we’re getting so much ridiculous that it makes the tension change to what happens next? Like a bedtime story, ya know?
Like, Dave waking up after his blackout from Justin Sh!tload beating up his balls and dragging him (not by the balls) to a liquor truck where the other kidnappees (including John) are. They form a plan and make Molotov cocktails to chuck at the Justin monster when they finally come to a stop only to have him look so bizarre upon opening up the back that the group freezes and, “To Jennifer’s credit, she broke the paralysis by weakly tossing a foaming bottle at Justin. The Justin monster watches as it missed and bounced harmlessly to the ground, rolling to a stop. The wick flickered and went out.” So very anticlimactic, but also so very human and realistic, as realistic as this book is lol like, I’d probably freeze up, too, tbh. Jennifer, you bad@$$! Even though it was weak-sauce…
Having a shriveled demon worm being peed on to jumpstart it’s growth is hilarious in and of itself, and then Pargin adds, “Just add water!” had me snorting.
The fact that John mailed himself a carton of cigarettes to this abandoned house in the middle of nowhere, Nevada where they were taken by the Justin monster and have Officer Freeman showing up shotgun blazing is both hilarious and surprisingly like, oh of course! Why didn’t I see this coming? This friggin’ book, man!
And Officer Freeman must be juiced on Soy Sauce, too because he’s making accurate ‘gut feeling/intuition’ choices and has been up for 50+ hours straight! But how? When?
And I was NOT expecting Officer Freeman to be a meat suit for another hive of the white wormy things! His eyes just exploded with them!
Ending with, “And then came the voices.” makes me speculate that maybe Dave has been infected with these wormy things! What a rollercoaster of a chapter!
•Diet Coke
•Salt (for Dave staring at Jennifer’s bewbs)
•Goosebumps
•Okay, This Needs TWO Hands to Hold
•Mostly Laughing Out Loud but also, My Husband Checked on Me to Make Sure I Wasn’t Dying because I literally went, Pppppfffft!!!
•A Little Sad
•Le Homemade Gourmet French Fries Pinky Up Eating with Aioli Fancy
•Solid Chunk of Swiss Cheese
•Technically, Autopsy
•Sweet Potato Casserole with Pecans and Marshmallows
•70% Dark Chocolate
•Squid Ink Carbonara
SnS 🌹💀📜🥤
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