I’m in a prickly mood due to having a rough day. So forgive my probably overly critical commentary.
Cheese hasn’t eaten in 2 days at least. And she’s still resisting food. How is she walking about? Coherent? Aware? Judging the furniture? Comparing the pure gold goblets (yes, she makes it a point to say they’re solid gold and not painted or foiled) to their mismatched cutlery back at her shack of a house she used to call home? How? I ask! Because I get nauseous if I’m past the point of starving. Wouldn’t she be delirious? Saying, eff this, Imma eat this food still on the table?!?
And there goes my eye roll. I saw my brain this time. We now know Mr. Fancy Pants Legolas Link LionWolfElk is named Tamlin, and Lucien said his skills with the ladies was rusty. :proceeds to barf:
Table, yikes, my phone autocorrected Tamlin to Table, so, I guess he has his nickname now. Table growls at Cheese to sit down which immediately made me think of Vector’s dad in Despicable Me where Vector is like, “Victor was my nerd name, now I am VECTOR!”
“Feyre was my human name, now I am CHEESE!”
‘’Pale, sparkling wine.” That’s called champagne ya uncultured swine, Cheese! I thought you lived in a manor before poverty? Good heavens!
And he’s royalty, of course. Makes me think of the Looney Tunes episode I watched today with my child where Bugs pretends the King is coming, and bows, and the Sheriff of Nottingham bows too with a pompous, “Your Majesty.”
And this is the stupid part that I’m not understanding yet. Make this make sense to me. Cheese was kidnapped for retribution because she killed Wolfasaurus-rex. Yet, Table isn’t going to do anything with her now that she’s here. Sooooo, why didn’t he just kill her? Like, I promise I’m not that heartless, but like, whyyyyyy???
This chapter is also long, so I’m gonna pause here with that question. I need to go to bed. Niiiiiiight.
Back to it, and Cheese is confused as to why she’s there. Asking the same questions I’ve been thinking. Took you long enough, Cheese. Why is he keeping her there? In luxury? And not just kill her? Or enslave her?
“You didn’t even apologize.” True, she didn’t. And apparently, Table is taking care of her family since she was the one keeping them alive and he took her? So, what? They’re just going to depend on someone else now and not take care of themselves? How convenient 🙄 There’s so much magical hand-waving that it’s legitimately infuriating. Why even go and claim her when you could’ve just waved a hand and taken her away like that? Why lift a finger at all? “I don’t care if you’re here, but I’ll blackmail you with your family to make sure you stay.”
Lucien: It’s been like, forever since I talked to a human, but like, why are you so prickly towards us? Aren’t we hot?
Is practically what he asked Cheese. “Twas someone at home more hotter than us?”
“There was someone” (the cheater, Isaac? Yeah, real catch).
“Dost thou lovest him?”
“No”
Not sure why Lucien went from valley girl to ye olde English lol I don’t make these rules, I only enforce them.
Tamlin asking again, “But like, do you like-like anyone else? Like loooove?”
Omgoodness! I’m almost expecting them to ask if she’s a virgin or not…
On that note, I have some stuff to do, so I’ll pick this back up again a bit later.
Wow, this chapter is long. Not as long as the one in John Dies at the End, but it’s dragging on forrreevvver! Let’s get back into it.
Cheese asking Table why he’s being so generous is the question I keep asking myself. And Table just shrugs. “I kill enough as it is.” But he not only shrugs, he shrugs his broad shoulders. So, like, smexy shoulders? Gawwwd!
Also, what’s a distant nod? “He gave a distant nod.” Like, he was staring off in the distance all dramatic-like and nodded? The way it’s described that she leaves her back to the door so that her back isn’t towards them gives me a rather silly mental image of Jim Carrey’s Grinch while he’s putting on his, like, shawl? And he like cries out as if in pain, and then like doubles over and gasps all weird, his shadow staring at the camera, and he shuffles forward all hunched over, and once he’s reached the threshold of the changing curtains where we’d see him again, he’s walking out all normal. Paha! I must include a clip of this somehow…couldn’t find it, so here’s this that I find hilarious:
And the sudden character change here has me rolling my eyes. Cheese, with only one night at the mansion, one meal, one bath, one and she’s gone from, “Faeries are the absolute worst! We hates them! We hates them forever!” *Cough, cough* (Sorry, Gollum snuck into the chat just now) to “Well, like maybe he’s tryna be nice?” Like giiirrl! Your instant mood flip has me getting motion sickness! Or maybe you’re secretly Gollum too, “But Master is nice to usss! But we hates him! But he’s nice! Gollum!”
Le sigh…here’s another moment where Maas skims over the interesting parts. I would’ve loved to have read that Cheese concocted a trap and rigged the door with some sort of curtain rope. But did we get that? No! We got a scene break and her waking up!
Really? Really? Maas is giving us the she’s describing herself while looking in the mirror clichè? I just groaned so loud, my husband heard me over his noise cancelling headphones…and for her to be like, “So, I’m not, like, ugly, but my sisters are totes jealous of my bee-you-tee.”
K, I understand Maas is trying to give Cheese some actual character than just bland soggy crackers, but for someone so engrained in survival mode, having her pause in the middle of the hallway in the middle of a seemingly empty estate, to examine a painting of a vase of flowers doesn’t hit for me like I think was intended. The constant callback to, “But, I likes to paint, paint, paint apples and bananaaaaaas” doesn’t mesh as well if that makes sense. Like, she shouldn’t be so confident in not being ambushed or something. What was being built as her constantly questioning everything Faerie, now has her relaxed and moseying along without much care.
And my point exactly, Table snuck up on her. And, but alas, look at his abzzzz underneath his skin-tight tunic showing off his toned body-ody-ody! Because, remember, SnS? Tis a Romantasy you’re reading? Right…Lest we forget the sheer male beauty of his strong jaw and golden-tanned skin…Lest we forget.
Table asking Cheese if she has some sort of problem with me has me like, oh honey…don’t tell me you’re being the stereotype of the dumb blond…of course she has a problem with you! You kidnapped her, remember?
But FINALLY there’s something worth my time reading! A magic blight? That drains fae of their magical abilities? They can’t take off their weird masks because of a masquerade when the sickness infected them? That’s something interesting!
•Water
•Air trying to be spicy
•Cozy Blanket
•Snooze Button
•Crickets
•Fine
•Burger King Fries
•Maggot Cheese
•Healthy
•Caramel Apple Crumble Á La Mode (the blight did the heavy lifting from Apple Pie to this)
•White Chocolate
•Tilapia Fillet
SnS 🌹💀📜🥤
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